Bad, Badder, Worstest... The Holiday Edition

Bad: You overindulged at the office Christmas party.
Badder: You woke up splayed out in the fountain at the mall.
Worstest: You’re hooked up to a vodka IV right now.

Bad: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stocking.
Badder: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stockings… and blamed the dog.
Worstest: You ate all the candy out of your kids’ stockings… and blamed Santa.

Bad: You’ve drunk your weight in eggnog.
Badder: You’ve thrown out all other food in your fridge so that you can keep more eggnog on hand.
Worstest: CNN does story about worldwide eggnog shortage and your name comes up repeatedly.

Bad: Pants are entirely too tight.
Badder: You’ve had to cut the necks out of all your turtleneck sweaters.
Worstest: You can’t find a shawl that fits.

Bad: You realize you haven’t done any meaningful exercise in December.
Badder: You realize you haven’t done any meaningful exercise in 2011.
Worstest: You realize that you have same muscular definition as newborn baby.

Bad: You ate 25 deviled eggs at a holiday party.
Badder: Hostess comes up to talk to you just as you’re jamming entire cheese ball in your mouth.
Worstest: You’re first to arrive at holiday party and food is all gone before second guest arrives.

Bad: You’ve succumbed to a peppermint bark addiction.
Badder: While in line at Starbucks to get Peppermint Mocha Latte, you’re plotting route on your phone to the next closest Starbucks to get another Peppermint Mocha Latte.
Worstest: Doc informs you that your blood type is “O positively peppermint”.

Bad: You’ve decided to put off your healthy living quest until the new year.
Badder: Gym is so busy in January that you’ve decided to wait until it clears out some.
Worstest: Decided that 2012 can just go to hell.

Holiday Health Tips

• Instead of a cup of eggnog, how's about a cup of eggnot?

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When you make holiday cookies, throw a couple of stink bugs in the batter. They won't be so tempting if you're scared you'll get a stinkbug cookie.



• To curb cravings, gnaw on a pine cone.



• To get it out of your system, go to Starbucks and order a venti Gingerbread Peppermint Mocha cinnamon eggnog latte. Whoa... That's actually pretty good!

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Limiting yourself to one piece of gingerbread doesn't make it okay to eat an entire gingerbread house.



• FDA does not - I repeat does NOT - recommend that you get four to six servings of fruitcake each day.



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Speed carol.



• At holiday parties, ask hostess to please hide all delicious food out of your sight.



• Holiday stress often leads to overeating, so consider slipping into a coma for the month of December.



• On January 1, lots of folks are going to be joining gyms and clogging up the works before they quit after 2 or 3 weeks, so my advice to you is to go ahead and join a gym now so you it won't be so crowded for the 2 or 3 weeks you use it before you quit.

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Jingle all the way (or at least as much of the way as you are able).